Couples Counselling
In Vaughan, ON

Extraverts vs Introverts

Temperament is a factor in how we relate to others

Extraverts like being around others, they draw energy from people, don’t mind interruptions and talk their problems out and figure things out while they talk it out.

Introverts tend to feel drained when they’re around other people, in tuned with what is going on inside them but not as aware of what is going on around them. They like to think and have some quiet time to consolidate their thoughts, solve problems and then talk about it.

So, if you are an Extrovert – they are very sensitive and the Introvert not so much – and this can lead to misinterpretations around one person not being caring.  When one person acts stressed, looking at how this is their process rather than assuming that they’re rejecting a view.

Sensing vs Intuitive

Sensing people tend to focus on the details – schedules, planning – better at balancing the budget and bill paying etc.

Intuitive people are big picture and big dreamers, keep the household up and running

How to appreciate each other’s temperament

Thinking vs Feeling

A thinking person often views things as true and false; they think of terms like justice and that they want to fix things. They have the emotional feeling, but they tend to be more driven to solve the problem when upset

A feeling person tends to react a lot more emotionally and want someone to acknowledge that they are upset.  They can fix it on their own but feels disempowered if the thinker steps in and tries to fix it.   They just need the emotional connection.  Looks at things through good vs bad.

We can have a combination of both in everybody, but we often have one or the other that is our way of operating. We can just encourage people to talk about how they react to things will help people communicate a lot better on dimension.

Judging vs. Perceiving

Judging = structure

Perceiving = spontaneity

How can they both live in harmony?  Finding the balance between the two styles to accommodate both styles can go a long way in understanding how much each person needs in order to get along.  Often having children includes structure and routine and therefore this can shift lifestyles of couples who didn’t have children.  There is therefore a need for flexibility in how their styles can now both be accommodated to include creativity vs structure; empathy vs. problem solving. People can learn to balance their own unique tendencies and use someone else’s strengths.

1. Receiving gifts
2. Quality time
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Acts of Service (Devotion)
5. Physical Touch

What makes a person’s eyes light up? In what way can one effectively communicate to the other, how one feels about the other.  We can learn about a person’s love language by the way they express their feelings to you.